Are you choosing and using a strap-on sex toy for the first time? Trans-masc writer Jed Biggs offers his advice for ensuring your first time is a success!

Being a trans guy myself, the idea of purchasing and using my first strap-on was so exhilarating. The harsh reality of not being born with the genitals I’d prefer, soon to be an issue of the past! Unfortunately, the experience of using my first strap-on wasn’t as straight forward as I initially thought it would be…

My first mistake was not doing any kind of research before choosing my first strap-on. I read no reviews, watched no YouTube videos, and I didn’t even read the descriptions on the website. I just added the first good looking one I saw into my cart, and purchased it straight away. Big mistake.

The first strap on I owned wasn’t the best. Firstly, it was a big one – 13 inches! The strap itself was also two times too big for me, without the option to adjust it. I think I ended up using safety pins to secure it properly, but ended up stabbing myself in the process. As you can probably imagine it wasn’t long before I was back to the store for an upgrade!

Having sex with toys often isn’t as intuitive as using your own body, and a free-flying appendage where you’re not used to having one can feel very unusual. So, I’ve compiled a list of tips and tricks for using a strap-on that I’ve had to weed out through trial and error, in the hopes that one day I’ll be an expert in all things ‘dick’. Which for me – and a lot of other trans guys – is the goal.

I’m hoping this guide to using stap-ons for trans guys will help you have a great experience from the start so you can learn from my mistakes!

Here are my tips for using a strap-on for the first time:

Tip 1. Be prepared

The reality of strap-on sex is a lot less put together than media may present it as. Before you can begin, there is a lot of set up necessary. You have to put the harness on, adjust it all, attached the penis, and lube up, which kind of ruins the surprise factor a little bit.

This is also a large reason why many trans guys are put off by the idea of one-night stands. So, keep this in mind when choosing your strap-on dildo and harness and before you dive into strap-on sex with a partner.

Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit$89.95Shop NowVac-u-lock Platinum Luxe Harness With Plug$69.95Shop Now

Tip 2. Watch porn (for research, of course...)

Although porn can be crass and sometimes unrealistic, it’s still an acceptable place to go if you’re really unsure about where to start with using a strap on. There are millions of videos out there with great reference into how exactly strap-ons work, and the most effective ways to use them.

Tip 3. Always use lubricant

I’d consider lube pretty essential to strap-on sex. Dildos are a tad different from penises, and can easily cause friction and discomfort, so you need to add a little extra moisture to help minimise these side-effects.

Make sure you purchase lubricant to use with your strap on (just make sure it’s compatible with your dildo of choice). Using a silicone dildo, you shouldn’t use silicone-based lube as they can react together, thus damaging your toy. Water-based lubricant is usually your best bet as it’s safe to use with all sex toy materials.

Durex Play Feel Lubricant 50ml$14.95Shop NowWet Stuff Gold 270g Pump Top$22.95Shop Now

Tip 4. Practice your thrusting

Be prepared to laugh at yourself. A lot. The first couple of times you use a strap-on it’ll feel completely alien. But by taking the time to familiarise yourself with it beforehand, you can reduce that feeling and begin to feel more comfortable with it.

Practice your thrusting techniques so that way, when you do take it to bed, you’ll be able to thrust more naturally and confidently. Another reason to familiarise yourself with your strap-on is that it’ll help you to feel like it’s an extension of your own body, which plays a big part in the physical and mental stimulation of using it.

Try walking around the house wearing it or even wearing it in the bath/shower. Feeling like it’s a part of you will help you to get a lot more pleasure out of using it, so try not to overthink it and give it a go!

Active Harness Wear - S$147.95Shop Now

Tip 5. Choose a comfortable position

It’s important to choose the right position when you’re using a strap-on. Ideally, you want to choose a comfortable position for both you and your partner that doesn’t require a lot of fumbling or balance. I feel like doggy-style is a good starting point for newbies, as it’s really easy to focus all of your attention on the ‘penetration’ side of things.

If you’ve never used one before, it’ll definitely take some time to get used to. If you’re not used to thrusting, the motion won’t feel very natural at first. All I can say is that practice makes perfect, so don’t feel discouraged. It’ll get easier!

Also, mix it up a bit. Strap-ons don’t only need to be used for penetration. There are a lot of other erotic ways to use them. Why not have your partner go down on you while you watch. Or even tuck a small vibrator behind the strap for your added benefit.

Tip 6. Communicate and regularly check in with your partner

Strap-on sex is a very intimate experience, just like all sex is. You must communicate openly and honestly with your partner to learn what they like and what they don’t. This can really help to build trust and intimacy with your partner.

For obviously reasons, when using a strap-on you can’t ‘feel’ the toy in the same way a guy can ‘feel’ his penis. Because of this, it’s easy to end up thrusting it into the wrong place in a way that maybe doesn’t feel very nice for your partner. This is why it’s so important to have open communication with your partner so they can let you know how it feels and give you a little direction.

Tip 7. Remember hygiene is important

Make sure you’re following hygiene best practice when experimenting with strap-ons. If you’re going to be switching holes, such as from anus to vagina, wash the dildo, change condoms, or swap out the dildo entirely. Between sex sessions, be sure to keep your strap in a place where it’s stored away from nasty germs and dust.

Keep these tips in mind when navigating your first time with a strap-on

The benefits of using a strap-on far outweigh the negatives in my opinion. Yes, it can take a little while to get used to, but for me, my dysphoria is drastically decreased with the presence of my trusty strap.

If you’re purchasing one for the first time, don’t overthink and get yourself too overwhelmed. There’s always the opportunity to first practice by yourself, and I’m sure your partner will be happy to guide you on the right path.

To shop for a strap-on, check out Adulttoymegastore’s range of strap-on dildos and harnesses, and read how to choose a strap on dildo for tips for finding your perfect fit.

Want to keep learning about strap ons?

Check out these articles written by our sexperts:

• The ultimate guide to strap-on dildos for beginners
• The 4 best-selling beginner strap-ons for pegging
• Best picks: the strap-on dildos you need in your life
• Everything you need to know about pegging
• 5 best positions for pegging your partner

Content disclaimer: Adulttymegastore does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment for illness. Any information published on this website, either by Adulttoymegastore of its authors, is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a medical professional.