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How to talk about your sexual fantasies with a partner

How to talk about your sexual fantasies with a partner

How to talk about your sexual fantasies with a partner

The great thing about sex, is that everyone is totally different! We all have different needs and wants when it comes to being intimate, even down to the sex toys and lubricant we enjoy using. That’s what makes sex and intimacy so fun!

You’ve probably already experienced different preferences when being intimate with partners. Whether they’ve asked you to do something you’ve never tried before, or haven’t responded well to something you were interested in trying, you won’t always be on the same page with everything.

Sex is a vulnerable and intimate act. For someone people, it can be quite nerve wrecking to open up to someone and bare it all. Sharing your sexual fantasies with a partner can be a big deal and might have you feel all kinds of nervous! The idea of opening up that much can be terrifying for even the most confident people.

You might worry that your partner will judge you for your fantasies, or that they won’t understand, and these are all justified fears. So let’s chat about how to talk about your sexual fantasies with a partner!

Why should I talk to my partner about my sexual fantasies?

Talking to your partner about your sexual fantasies is important for many reasons. Firstly, it’s a great way to chat about your likes and dislikes, from the small details to the bigger fantasies. Communication is so important to make sure you are both enjoying yourselves in the bedroom!

Many people go years without exploring their sexual desires and fantasies, and this can lead to sexual frustration, or prevent you from enjoying yourself full in the bedroom.

You might be surprised, too – your partner could feel the same way, or open up about fantasies they have themselves. It’s a great way to understand each other more sexually, and potentially open the door to some new sexual exploration in the bedroom.

Sometimes, fantasies will remain just that: a fantasy! And you might not necessarily play them out yourself. Many people fantasy about threesomes, but that doesn’t always mean they actually want to share their partner with someone – however, it can open the door to acting the fantasy out through costume, dirty talk, or even just watching porn with your partner.

Get rid of the stigma

Many people are too scared to share their fantasies because they are worried about judgement. This is because talking about sex and sexual pleasure has always been a taboo topic – everyone has always told us it’s something to keep private and that we shouldn’t talk about.

And if someone does share their kinks of fantasies, often these are met with judgement and misunderstanding – despite the fact that many other people probably enjoy the same thing. But sex is totally normal and something that should be celebrated and talked about, particularly with a sexual partner!

The first step in opening up to your partner about your sexual fantasies, is assuring yourself that it’s totally okay to talk about these things out loud. Fantasies are totally normal. The acceptance around your sexual fantasies starts with you accepting them yourself!

Communication and trust

If you don’t already have strong communication and trust with your partner, it can be hard to open up to them and be vulnerable. But building trust and ensuring you communicate about the important stuff can take a while to master!

Start by building this up slowly. If you don’t already, try having more conversations after you have sex or are sexually intimate. You can do this by asking them what they enjoyed, telling them something they did that you loved, or asking if there’s anything they want to try next time. Opening up in this way can make talking about sex and pleasure a lot easier, and more ‘normal’ if it isn’t something you do already.

Another way to slowly start communicating about your fantasies and building trust, is to watch porn, watch a sexy movie, or even browse online for sex toys. A lot of people fantasize about delving into the world of bondage, so you could start out by looking at bondage products and pointing out ones you like the look of. This is an easy and comfortable way to open up to your partner and gauge their reaction!

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Don’t put any pressure on them

It’s important to assure your partner that you aren’t trying to pressure them into anything – no means no, and if they aren’t interested in trying out your specific fantasy, that’s totally okay!

This doesn’t mean they will never be interested in trying it. People can warm up to an idea over time with more education and once they have actually had a chance to think about it! However it is important to respect boundaries and understand that it could be something they will never be interested in.

If you talk about your sexual fantasies before being intimate, or during foreplay, it can also give your partner the idea that you are wanting to jump straight into it and expect them to act out your fantasies on the spot. Try talking about it in a non-sexual space first – after sex is always a great idea as you will still be in the mood but there’s no pressure to act on anything in the moment!

Don’t get upset

Everyone has sexual fantasies. However, these can range from light bondage to threesomes to being dominated, and the list goes on. Something that you might find vanilla, could be extreme for others!

Many people can react negatively to something if they don’t have time to think it over first, or aren’t educated on the subject. If your partner is surprised by the sexual fantasy you’ve shared with them, they could react in a way that might hurt your feelings without meaning to.

This is okay – they are probably just a little bit surprised, or aren’t sure what to make of it. You can let them know you don’t expect a response right away, and try educate them on why you are interested in this, and focus on the idea that it’s for pleasure.

If your partner continues to shame you or make you feel bad about a sexual fantasy you may have, then it’s important to understand that this isn’t okay, and it might be best chat to someone else you trust or seek professional advice if need be.

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Set boundaries

If your partner is interested in acting out your sexual fantasies, awesome! That’s great. The next step is to ensure clear boundaries are set before anything goes down. This includes setting a safe word, and discussing anything that could potentially upset or hurt anyone involved.

Setting clear boundaries and limits is essential to ensure pleasure is at the forefront, and that everything is consensual. Having a safe word also ensures that if things get too intense, or aren’t quite what you had expected, you can stop at any time.

Sometimes you might find that playing out your sexual fantasy in real life isn’t quite what you had expected, so communication is key.

Don’t be afraid to admit that it isn’t quite what you had expected. The key is that everyone involved is enjoying themselves at all times!

Want more?

Adulttoymegastore is an online retailer of sex toys distributing worldwide. ATMS was opened in 2009 and is still proudly New Zealand owned and operated, with over 8,000 products from more than 45 brands to choose from! We take great pride in providing the best products to thousands of happy customers, and have many benefits such as a loyalty programme, free samples, and personalised notes.

Adulttoymegastore has a huge range of sex toys including vibrators, dildos and cock rings for every occasion! With fast, 100% discreet shipping, and price guarantee, ATMS has everything you need to make good sex, great!

Georgia May, Adult Toy & Lingerie Expert
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