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Nicki Minaj's Debatable Sex Advice

By Orin 6 months ago. Posted in Sexual Health
Nicki Minaj's Debatable Sex Advice

Minaj's interview with Ellen can be labelled as a sex positive discussion. The rapper delving into detail about learning to focus on her own sexual satisfaction. Demanding that if she only gets to see a partner once or twice a week then it has to be "three times a night, yeah when I see you, three times a night."

via GIPHY

This is great, encouraging the need for a woman to understand her desires and being open enough to communicate with her partner!

She went on to state how she doesn’t like being cuddled after sex. "Once I get mine, if I feel really really great, leave me alone… Go make me some food or something, make me a sandwhich."

via GIPHY

Not wanting to be touched after sex is also completely natural. The physiological reaction is stereotypically associated with men who don't release oxytocin during sex. Delving into the concept of post coital dysphoria, an often-misinterpreted symptom after sex (This is not what Minaj described).

To learn more checkout this article on Understanding Post-Coital Dysphoria in Men.

However, communicating that you don"t want to be touched after sex is important. It's really easy for this reaction to be misinterpreted by your partner as a denial of intimacy. Whether Minaj does this effectively, or really does say "make me a sandwhich" was unclear. In short, it's fine to avoid cuddling after sex, just communicate that this is not a denial of affection!

One comment from the interview that has kicked up a stir in the world of kink was her blurring of humiliation and sexual criticism.

"I’ve found that the worse you make them feel... that they know how to do it better," she says. She tells DeGeneres that you have to "tear [a lover] down" so they learn how to make your body feel good. "I say, 'What the hell is this? What's going on? You gotta make me...' And then they never play that crap with me again,"

Such communication might have worked with her partner, however shaming someone certainly isn’t the healthiest the way to demand your needs. Unless of course, they enjoy being humiliated.

Erotic humiliation is a kink that involves one partner embarrassing the other, either physically or verbally. Maybe it sounds strange because for most people being embarrassed is embarrassing, but some people get turned on when someone else degrades them, either publicly or privately. Still, that doesn't mean that every topic is fair play (including how good or bad they are at pleasing their sexual partners). Humiliation play, similar to other kinks and any other type of sex you're having, requires consent and negotiation beforehand.

"Treat the decision to use humiliation as a serious one: never do it casually or thoughtlessly," Kink website, Kinkly, suggests. "All it takes is one wrong word, said in the wrong way, to be emotionally crippling." If your sexual partner gives you the green light to humiliate them into touching you the way you want, then feel free to take Minaj's advice to heart. If not, it's best to steer clear of Minaj's tips.

"Unless humiliation is your kink and consent has been given beforehand, degradation and humiliation during sex is never okay," says Laura Deitsch, PhD, resident sexologist at Vibrant. Instead, use open and honest communication about what you like and don't like during sex.

"Ideally, having a basic understanding of someone's style is best — are you a rough and tumble kind of person or do you like it soft and sweet? Talking beforehand but also not being afraid to voice your desires in the moment will do wonders for your pleasure game," Dr. Deitsch says. "You can also show what you do and don't want through a hands-on approach," she adds. "You’d be surprised what a gentle nudge can do — guide your partner and show them what you like."

As with any sex advice. It's important to acknowledge that everyone is different. No way of doing things is entirely correct. However, to keep things healthy we need to be able to communicate what specifics suit us.

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