The Heat
Sections
Topics
Adult DVDsAdult GamesAdult ToysAdulttoymegastoreAnal BeadsAnal LubricantAnal ToysAnal Training KitsAnal VibratorsAnsell CondomsApp ControlledAustraliaB VibeBaby DollBathmateBen Wa BallsBikini SetsBlindfoldsBlow Up DollsBody PaintBody StockingBodywandBondageBondage KitsBucks NightBullet VibeBullet VibratorsButt Plug TailsButt PlugsChastityChemiseChristmasClassic DildosClassic VibratorsClearanceClitoral ToysClitoral VibratorsClone-A-WillyClothingCock RingsCock SleevesCollars and LeadsCondomsCorsetsCouplesCouples Beginner ToysCouples Sex ToysCouples VibratorsCrotchlessDildosDoc JohnsonDouble Ended DildosDouble Penetration ToysDurex CondomsEdiblesElectro SexElectrosexEnema and DouchesFemale Anal Sex ToysFemale Beginner Sex ToysFemale CondomsFifty Shades of GreyFinger VibesFlavoured CondomsFlavoured LubricantFleshlightFour Seasons CondomsFull RestraintsFun FactoryG Spot ToysG-Spot VibratorsGagsGarter and HoiseryGlass DildosHardcodeHens NightHerHisHot GossipHuge Butt ToysHuge DildosIciclesJewelled Butt PlugsJo LubricantKing cockLatex Free CondomsLay-onsLELOLiberatorLifestyles CondomsLingerieLove EggsLubricantMale Anal Sex ToysMassage OilsMasturbatorsNew Couples ToysNipple playOhmibodP SpotP Spot Anal ToysPacking DildosPeggingPenis EnlargementPenis ExtensionsPenis PumpsPenis Urethral PlayPlus Size LingerieQueerRabbit VibratorsRealistic Body PartsRealistic DildosRealistic VibratorsRope And TapeSatisfyerScandalSchool GirlScreaming OSex FurnitureSex KitsSex MachinesSex ShopSex SurveySex Swings and PolesSex TipsSex ToysSilicone LubricantSkyn CondomsSquirting DildosStrap OnsStrapless Strap OnSuction Cup DildosSuction VibratorsTaint StimulatorsTeddiesTengaThrusting vibratorsTokidokiTom Of FinlandTop Couples VibratorsTop Female Sex ToysTop Male Sex ToysTrojan CondomsTunnel Butt PlugsUberlubeVac U Lock DildoVibrating Cock RingsVibrating MasturbatorsVibrating PantiesVibratorsWand VibratorsWaterbased LubricantWe-VibeWhipsWomanizerWomens PantiesWrist Restraints
Adulttoymegastore Authors
Adulttoymegastore Media and Reviews
Our Customers
0800 ADULT TOYS
Shipping: $10 Standard 1 - 3 business days.
0800 ADULT TOYS
Log In
Register
Free Bullet Vibe. Use FREEME19 at Cart
Enjoy Now. Pay Later. With Afterpay, Laybuy
Secure Checkout + Payment
Free Discreet Standard Shipping $150+
Easy Returns Policy
Discreet Packaging Guaranteed

Negotiating a BDSM Scene

By Goddess Leia 5 years ago. Posted in Sex Toy Guides
Negotiating a BDSM Scene

It's critical before the start of any scene that the participants have a conversation about and agree to, what will take place, which is important to keep ALL parties safe. Topics to discuss include finding out each other's previous experience with BDSM – is it their first time or have they been caned until they can't sit down many times. If they are experienced, what are their likes and dislikes – some of the most extreme masochists don't like their nipples being gently squeezed while others will hang weights off them.

intense orgasm

A safe-word MUST be agreed on. The international BDSM safe word to stop a scene is "red" with "orange" being used as to confer "I’m ok with that level, but don't go any harder." The reason a safe-word is so important is that some people enjoy the fantasy of saying being able to say "no" or "stop," knowing full-well that the person will not stop (for me those words just encourage me 😊). Some people have an intense emotional release when being flogged and they cry uncontrollably - if I know that this is their reaction and what they need, I can continue knowing that I'm meeting their need. If need be I'll ask, "are we still green?" to reassure myself.

It's important for a "Top" to know if the "Bottom" has any medical conditions or injuries – particularly heart or neurological problems or injuries especially to the back or knees, for example I always require my submissives to kneel before their Goddess, so I make sure I know such things (I have knee pads for such occasions). Another question to ask, especially if impact play or blood may be involved, is if the submissive takes aspirin as this affects the blood's ability to clot. A heavy impact session could lead to massive internal bleeding in a person who takes aspirin, so it's worth asking the question.

Have both participants eaten and are they well-hydrated? Do either have issues with blood-sugar? Most of these questions are aimed at the sub but if you have a Dominant with health problems such as diabetes or heart problems, it may be worth considering this when it comes to bondage. If the Dominant passes out, is the rope tied in such a way as to allow a quick release and is it close enough to the subs hand?

Speaking of rope and emergencies, if you are using rope to restrain a person you MUST have some type of safety scissors. If a limb loses feeling, permanent nerve damage can result and I'm sure you'll agree that the cost of a new rope is far less causing someone harm.

Woman tied in pink rope

Other things to consider are who will be involved in the scene; will there be any sexual contact; what are the hard limits – things that are definitely not to be done; soft limits – things that can be done in certain conditions; where will we play - in public, private, in a group such as at a play party; are there any positions which would cause you to be uncomfortable – physically or emotionally; how long is play expected to last; what are the aftercare requirements and expectations.

This list is by no means comprehensive, it's just to help you get started in a conversation to keep you both safe. As a top you are controlling the scene and it is your duty to ascertain all that you can to make it work best for you both. As a bottom you also have a duty to fully inform the top what you want, don't want, and what is safe for you to participate in.

It's best practice to do ALL negotiations BEFORE commencing a scene then to check-in periodically throughout the scene to see how the sub is coping. One thing I do before an impact session is to describe a 1-10 pain scale with 1 being so light you're not even sure if a feather touched you, through to a 10 which is the most pain you can imagine. Then I ask what number they'd like to get to today – that way I'm not assuming that everyone wants to be up around an 8 or a 9 - most prefer a 5 or a 6. The beauty of this system is that it is based on the perception of the individual and their own pain tolerance to determine the intensity. So, if I have someone say they want a 7 and I'm hitting them what I perceive to be pretty hard and they tell me it feels like a 5, I know they want more. I once had a new person who wanted a 5 so I started warming her up with some gentle bare hand spanks and for her that was a 5. I started to question my strength so the next person I did the same intensity and they said it was a zero!

Bed restraints

So, get on and have those conversations, not just for the safety of the scene but for the enjoyment of all involved.

Questions for Goddess Leia?

Leave all your bondage queries to Leia at her personal website!

Time to turn your scene into a reality

Envision your own BDSM scene with Adulttoymegastore's range of bondage clothing, restraints and more!

Read More:

Goddess Leia
The Heat Sex ArticlesThe Heat Sex Articles
Guest, Feilding
18th March 2024
rating 4.0
Verified Purchaser
Amazing experience
Guest, Dannevirke
18th March 2024
rating 4.0
Verified Purchaser
This lube is great but no matter what I do it the bottle always leaks which is annoying :)
Guest, Invercargill
18th March 2024
rating 5.0
Verified Purchaser
satisyer pro definately satisfies
Guest, Invercargill
17th March 2024
rating 4.0
Verified Purchaser
Nicely packaged, super fast shipping, thank you :)
Adulttoymegastore reviews are verified and powered by Reviews.io
Subscribe and be in to win a Cosmopolitan gift pack.Value $475.60. Valid all March. T&C's apply

TOP