International Pride Month is here and what better way to celebrate than acknowledging and speaking about queer sex. It’s been such a repressed and taboo subject in the past. So now is the time we can finally speak out about it and spread correct and useful information.
It’s a given that sex in general, isn’t for everyone. There are many people in the world who identify as Asexual, which is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or a low interest in sexual activity. Identifying as Asexual in itself has been met with scrutiny as more and more people have opened up about their sexuality. There seems to be a running theme throughout history that if someone speaks up about their ‘unusual’ preferences or experiences, they’re ambushed with anger and/or violence.
It’s widely known that queer-identifying people have been fighting for their human rights for years. Only now are we starting to see a positive change in society that reflects all the blood, sweat and tears shed by those that came before us. We still have a long way to go, but we’re at least now heading down the right path.
One thing that’s still very much not touched on very often, is queer sex. Whether that be in sexual health curriculums or represented in media, there’s still a noticeable absence of queer identities. Due to this lack of information, our younger generations are not being exposed to such a massive part of today’s society. Also, our rainbow youth will grow up feeling unrepresented and uneducated.
Pride month is a celebration of all things queer, including queer sex
Pride month gives us the opportunity to unapologetically celebrate our identities and experiences. And while doing so, spreading positive information to those who may not have access to it. Our first step that we need to take is getting comfortable. Talking about sex for the first time, or having sex for the first time, is uncomfortable right?
What is queer sex?
My favourite answer to this question is: “is it really that hard to figure out? Just use your imagination.” The problem with this answer is the fact that as a society, we’ve managed to base our idea of queer sex on a collection of stereotypes.
When we label sex itself as ‘gay’ or ‘queer’ these encounters are generally imagined as the typical typecast situations that we see in certain kinds of porn or media. Unfortunately, because of this a lot of useful and necessary information is lost in the process.
Like I previously mentioned, queer sex has always been a dirty little secret for those not in the community, and unfortunately, even some who are. It’s no secret that our modern sexual education has a lot of work to be done. Most curriculums don’t even touch on queer sex altogether, and honestly, only focusing on heteronormative sex (sex between cisgender males and females).
When it comes to the definition of queer sex, a good question to ask is what constitutes having sex for the first time when you’re queer. The answer? It really comes down to how each individual person defines or categorises sex.
For me personally, I feel that regardless of how a person’s body looks and feels, the intimacy that comes from making contact with the areas of our bodies that aren’t usually on show for the whole world to see, represents the kind of intimacy and experience implied by the term ‘having sex'.
Why we need to redefine ‘sex’
The societal conversation around sex has so consistently centred around a narrow ideal of cis-hetero maleness that exploring and redefining sex is now a necessity. Queer intimacy and queer sex feel directly connected to this premise.
It’s crucial to display and share stories of love and pleasure in queer partnerships so that young people more clearly see the shape of their sexuality, and so they can see their sexuality as one of the most extraordinary parts of themselves.
I’m still personally very new to understanding the different and amazing versions of love and sex that are not framed around heteronormativity. I feel that a very important part of defining sex between queer people is actually allowing queer individuals to establish their own definition of what sex is to them.
Although there’s a stereotypical idea of what constitutes as ‘queer sex’, such as ‘scissoring’ between gay women, anal sex between gay men, and who knows what between trans individuals. The sexual acts participated in by the rainbow community are not strictly defined by a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. For example, plenty of gay men never have anal sex, and plenty of lesbian couples do.
In recent years, sex positivity is on the rise, and with that comes the normalisation of all kinds of sex. I feel as though this generation is a lot more comfortable talking about their sexual experiences and behaviours, but are still actively working towards better communication within an intimate setting.
It’s one thing to be shouting sex positive messages from the rooftops, and another to engage in an intimate sexual conversation between you and a partner. It does take time and a bit of practice, but it’s such an important part of the sex positivity movement.
Normal for some is not normal for all — but all sex IS normal. Granted that it’s between consenting participants, and no laws are being broken.
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