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How you can understand your partner through sharing a vibrator

By Orin 3 months ago. Posted in Relationship Advice
How you can understand your partner through sharing a vibrator

If you're currently in a relationship that shares sex toys, don't take it for granted! It's 2018 but unfortunately there are plenty of couples out there that are hesitant to include pleasurable additions to their sex life, the most common extra being a vibrator. This is usually because of one partner's objection to include a vibrator, either it makes them feel uncomfortable, replaced or worried. Understandably, it's mostly guys in heterosexual relationships, however, every so often this refers to women. This especially occurs when one partner has been using a vibrator in past relationships and the other one hasn't.

Before we go further it's important to understand that being uncomfortable with different sex acts is completely fine. It's negative for one partner to put themselves on a sexually progressive pedestal, because they are into something that the other isn't. However, if your sex life is a highly valued part of your relationship, then it is important to do your best to understand and accommodate for your partner's needs. The reason it's important is because most fears surrounding the inclusion of a vibrator are actually misconceptions that can be worked through. For an in-depth walkthrough read - '2 Concepts to Understand Before Introducing Adult Toys Into A Relationship.'

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This article aims to encourage people to share a vibrator and recognise the benefits it provides. Even for couples who do share sex toys, you may not actually realise how beneficial they are or how good they can be. Simply, because you’ve never talked about it or you’ve never seen the benefits in writing.

Recognising in what ways a vibrator is better than you

Please realise that this is not saying that the vibrator is better than you overall! A powerful vibrator is not better than you, as it is a device. It cannot speak, caress, create chemistry, build passion during foreplay, penetrate (vibrator dependant). The list goes on and on and on. However, the ways in which a vibrator is better than you are likely to be, clitoral stimulation and g-spot stimulation. Why? Because they are more powerful and consistent compared to a human being. If they weren't, there wouldn't be much point in them.

Let's say you are with a partner that requires a lot of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Therefore, any partner, no matter if the references on your sexual resume claims you are the head conductor of the clitoral orchestra, you may simply be unable to get your partner to orgasm or just not as consistently as you'd like. This can cause feelings of shame around sexual performance, as providing orgasms has become closely attached to the male ego. What would be a tragedy in this sort of relationship, would be the rejection of a clitoral vibrator! Because it is necessary to use this toy to help your partner be sexually satisfied.

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Acknowledging this isn't only going to up the amount of orgasms in your relationship, it's also going to help both partners feel a lot more comfortable. She's not becoming distracted and frustrated that an orgasm is not happening, this mental block alone can be the reason why she isn't getting there! Being free of this and not having to worry about it is a really positive difference. On the other hand, he doesn't have to worry about providing an orgasm and therefore doesn't have to measure his sexual performance by this. However, this does not mean that one should become complacent or not do certain sex acts anymore. Still focus on giving as much pleasure as you can, but leave the expectation of an orgasm behind and just enjoy the moment.

Figuring out what she actually likes!

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The female orgasm has been emphasised a lot in the bedroom. This has been one of the most positive turns of the 21st century, because it wasn't always like this! It has become a man's duty to bring the orgasm to the fore. The other positive is that it has encouraged communication around bettering sexual performance. Where partners now ask what they like or what they could do better next time. This video from Key & Peele says it all!

Video sourced from Comedy Central

However, many partners find it hard to express what they like, again this can be frustrating for both of you. Common responses are "I like everything you're doing, I just couldn't get out of my head," "I'm not sure how to describe what feels good." These sorts of responses could be a mixture between the truth, not wanting to talk about it (just wants cuddles right now), or saving your ego. Saving your ego sits in a weird spot, because she's debating between being considerate and providing constructive criticism.

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Basically, if you use a vibrator partner on your partner, then you've got an opportunity to figure out what motions do the trick. First off you need to figure what the vibrator is doing. Is it pulsating, is it clit sucking, is it a certain pattern, is it a certain vibration intensity and does this change over time? Taking note of how their body is reacting to certain motions can improve your skills a lot! Finally, don't expect an immediate change, practice makes perfect. So, take note when you can, but don't over analyse sex either, enjoy the journey!

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