Brendan Hollis

It’s often considered the pre-game to intercourse but done right, foreplay can be the main event, and it can be super-hot and pleasurable. Foreplay is amazing. And not just because it feels so pleasurable. Foreplay also creates physiological and physical responses that can help you feel more connected and more euphoric while you play. It’s often considered the pre-game to intercourse but done right, foreplay can be the main event and it can be super-hot and pleasurable.

Why is foreplay so important?

When you touch and hug, a whole lot of hormonal changes occur in your body which can lower your inhibitions and make you feel more comfortable. And don’t forget about that chemical cocktail that gets released when you kiss. Hellooo oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. These hormones lower stress and increase levels of bonding and euphoria. All the good stuff! And foreplay is what increases sexual arousal. This is what literally gets your juices flowing by increasing blood flow to your genitalia and making the clitoris, labia and penis swell with blood. It also encourages the vagina to become lubricated and ready for internal play if that’s on the cards. In a study of heterosexual couples published by the Journal of Sexual Research, men and women reported that their ideal foreplay length was 20 minutes but most reported only spending about 10 minutes on average in reality. That’s only half of what they want! Keep in mind that most people with vulvas don’t orgasm from intercourse alone, so foreplay that includes hands and mouth stuff is likely to be their best shot at having an orgasm.

So, let’s look at some tips to help you extend that play session and ensure you are getting enough foreplay to get your body and mind ready for action.

1. Make foreplay last all day with texts, sexts and pictures

Foreplay doesn’t have to be just physical. You can play all day with emotional foreplay too. Leave a note on the bench when you leave saying you have naughty plans for tonight. Then you can send texts that hint at what is going to happen later. Better yet, send a few naughty pics too to really get you both in the mood.

2. Indulge in a full-body massage

Is there a list of foreplay tips in the world that doesn’t include massage? Probably not. It’s just such a good way to get you both in the mood and feeling good. Remember those bodily responses we talked about earlier? Massage is a great way to get those responses happening! Massaging your partner is going to make you feel more connected, more relaxed and more receptive to stimulus as it gets your blood flowing too. And, you don’t need to stick with just your hands! Add some massage oil, use a massage candle, or even use a wand vibrator to get nice and deep in those muscles. They aren’t only for the clitoris you know! Try it out on the back, thighs or even feet if you aren’t too ticklish.
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3. Tell me what you want, what you really, really want

Talk about what turns you on and what you enjoy in the bedroom. Not only is the action of talking about getting turned on a total turn on, but it also means that when you get down to the physical part, you will both know exactly what each other likes and what you don‘t. Look, spontaneity is sexy, yes, but just imagine a play session where every single thing feels amazing. Every kiss, lick, stroke or touch. Nothing feels annoying. Nothing is irritating. There are no touches in place you don’t like. Everything is A M A Z I N G. All it takes is a quick conversation!

4. A little bit of PDA can go a long way

Oh, I am guilty as charged of this one. But damn, in the right place at the right time, a little bit of PDA can be a big turn on. Just don’t get toooo turned on, as you are out in public after all. But if you are on your way home? Why not go for a little booty grab, or a pash while you dash back to the bedroom?

5. Dirty talk

Dirty talk takes practice and yes, sometimes it can be awkward or hilarious and you may end up in a giggling ball on the floor (it happens!). But once you are well-versed in the fine art of dirty talk, you and your partner are in for a wild ride.

Want some dirty talk pointers?

I take my cues from Sex Columnist Dan Savage who keeps things simple and effective. He states that the best dirty talk is simple and straightforward. He suggests you tell them what you are going to do, tell them what you are doing, tell them what you did. Easy right? No? Ok, ok, if dirty talk still sounds like a terrifying idea to you then maybe sexting throughout the day is a better idea. That way you can edit and perfect exactly what you want to say before you send it. It takes a lot of the pressure off from doing it face to face. Dirty talk takes practice, and starting via message can be a wonderful way to dip your toes and get some practice in.

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