How can I help my partner feel more comfortable about anal sex?
Everybody has a butt! Which is why anal play can be incredibly fun and pleasurable for everyone in the bedroom.
But for many, anal play can be associated with negative thoughts from the get-go – people are worried about the pain and uncleanliness, or are just a little freaked out in general about the idea of someone or something touching their rear end.
And that’s totally okay! We all have different things that get us off and that we find pleasurable. If your partner isn’t keen on anal, then it’s important to respect their boundaries and understand that they just might not be interested! The key is understanding that you can’t force anyone to do anything. However, there are definitely some ways you can help your partner feel more comfortable about the idea, which might help them warm up to it!
Talk it out!
Like anything in the bedroom, communication is key! It’s always important to talk about anything new you’d like to try in the sheets, to ensure you are both on the same page and that anything happening, is completely consensual.
Understand why they aren’t interested in butt stuff, and make sure you take the time to actually hear what they are saying. Any reason for being apprehensive is a valid reason!
Let your partner know why you’re interested in trying anal with them. Whether it’s the pleasure aspect, trying something new, or because you enjoy anal play alone, explaining your point of view can work wonders and help them open up to it.
Baby steps are key! Start by playing around with fingers only - don’t introduce anal toys quite yet!
You might have heard it before, but we’ll say it again for the people in the back: lubricant is KEY when it comes to any type of anal play! The anus is not self-lubricating, which means if you try insert anything without a little extra help, it could be pretty painful for the receiver.
Lube will help everything slide in easier, and prevent discomfort or pain. Anal lubes specifically are designed with a slightly thicker, longer lasting formula, to keep all your bits safe!
Bigger isn’t better!
When you’re ready to delve into the world of anal toys, it’s important to start small and work your way up! They don’t call it anal training for no reason!
Starting with a training set can be a great option. These sets typically include 3 different anal plugs with a small, medium, and large size. Anal play definitely isn’t a one size fits all, so this is perfect to work your way up, and find what size works for you as well. The Apprentice 3 Piece Silicone Anal Trainer Set is made of smooth silicone, which will feel great against the skin, with softly graduated plugs and a flared based to ensure the plugs are easily removable. For an affordable price, this set is a really great choice for beginners.
If you’re serious about your anal training, the B-Vibe Anal Training and Education Set includes everything you need to get your anal training off to the best start possible! Included in the set is a small silicone plug, a medium vibrating plug, large weighted plug, lubricant applicator, anal enema (more on these soon), travel bag, and a complete guide to anal play. It’s a great step to ensure you are ready for penetration!
Once you feel more comfortable, there are many types of anal toys you can play around with to find what sensations work for you! From anal beads, to plugs, to vibrating plugs, glass anal toys, cock ring plugs, butt plug tails… Seriously, there’s something for everyone!
If your partner doesn’t like the fullness of a plug, you could opt for some textured anal beads, or maybe they want a little extra sensation with a vibrating plug. The great thing about anal play, is that there are so many different options, so you’re sure to find something that works for you and your partner.
Many people can be scared to try anal because of the idea of it being unclean and unhygienic. Luckily, there are many solutions for this!
Typically, if you’re having regular bowel movements, there isn’t too much of a chance you’ll experience poop during anal play. If possible, try going to the bathroom an hour or so beforehand, and have a shower to ensure the area is squeaky clean. A wash with some warm water can do wonders!
If you’re particularly paranoid, enemas are also a great option to help “flush out” the anus. Enemas have a tip that is inserted into the butt to squeeze water inside. You simply hold the water for 10 or so seconds, and then release it, and repeat until the water runs clear.
But hey, sh$t happens – literally! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about it you happen to experience a bit of poop during your anal adventures.
If possible, it’s always best to have your own toys that aren’t shared with a partner – to ensure everything stays 100% clean and hygienic. Sharing bacteria between people is never a good idea! This is particularly important for anal toys.
However, some toys such as glass toys can be sterilized in boiling water for a complete clean. If cleaned between use, these toys can be shared between partners (but hey, it’s best to just invest in your own anyway!).
All toys should be cleaned thoroughly after used. Always follow any specific instructions from the manufacturer, but as a general rule, a wash with warm water and a sex toy cleaner is a safe bet. Check out our guide on cleaning and storing sex toys for more info!
Always, always, always have a safe word to help your partner feel more comfortable with trying something new! Trust is really important, so this can be a great well to help them feel a little more at ease.
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