New Zealanders struggle with confidence in the bedroom

When it comes to sharing your sexual needs and desires with a partner only 45% of New Zealanders feel able to, according to a new survey.

A UMR survey commissioned by Adulttoymegastore found the younger the person, the more likely they are to be able to confidently speak up in the bedroom.

The survey of Australians and New Zealanders asked about sex, sexuality and masturbation and found that Generation Z-ers are the most confident generation with 54% saying they feel able to assert their sexual needs and desires with their partner. Gen Y were not far behind with 52%. Then gen X with 44% and baby boomers with 40%, followed by the Silent Generation at 34%.

Adulttoymegastore Head of Customer Satisfaction Emma Hewitt says being able to assert your desires and talk about what you like and don’t like is crucial in having your needs met.

“We can see from this survey that a lot of New Zealanders are happy with their sex lives. We want everyone to have a happy and healthy sex life so this is important intel to have.”

Aussies are more likely than New Zealanders to say they have a “monotonous and boring” sex life. 20% of Aussies believe their sex life is mononotous and boring, compared with just 13% of New Zealanders.

Only 14% of New Zealand men think their sex life is boring, and only 13% of New Zealand women.

Baby boomer women (14%) and women from the Silent Generation (9%) are the least likely to think their sex lives are monotonous and boring. While men from Gen Y (24%) are most likely to feel this way.

The survey found New Zealand men are happier with their sex lives than Aussie men – but only slightly, with 43% of Kiwi men compared with 40% of Aussie men.

Generation Z is the happiest with their sex lives at 54%, closely followed by Gen Y at 47%. The least happy with their sex lives is the silent generation at 33%.

“There is likely a number of reasons why as we age we become less happy with our sex lives,” Emma Hewitt says. “But it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a correlation between those who can confidently say what they enjoy and those who are happy with how things are in the bedroom.”

Experimenting and working out what you like can improve your sex life. 23% of kiwis say they’ve experimented with adult toys. 23% of New Zealand men said they enjoy using them.

The younger generations enjoy experimenting with sex toys more than older generations.

Gen Z enjoys experimenting with sex toys during sex more than any other gen (38%).

Gen Y: 34%
Gen X: 27%
Baby boomers: 15%
Silent Gen: 7%

Emma Hewitt says there are a number of ways to improve your sex life.

“Even if your sex life is what you’d consider “good” you can make it great. Toys are a great way of adding fun to the bedroom and switching up your routine. Spontaneity is great for bringing excitement into the bedroom. Trying new things, seeing what you don’t like and do like – it’s all really crucial. It’s a journey you share as a couple and it’s worth investing in it. I meet a lot of folks who want to understand each other more in bed. I encourage them to work on their communication. If you can’t confidently say what you want to do in bed, or share what feels good and what doesn’t – everything else is an uphill battle. But you can get there – it just takes honesty, vulnerability, and maybe a toy or two!”

“I have to ‘schedule’ sex with my partner” – New Zealanders

Want sex? Make an appointment, say New Zealanders. Of those we surveyed, two in three New Zealanders (71%) have to schedule sex with their partner. Sex schedulers are more likely to be baby boomers (76%), and Generation Y are least likely to need to schedule sex (63%).

NZ men lack confidence in the bedroom

Our survey found New Zealand men lack confidence in the bedroom. Just 21% of New Zealanders are confident in their bedroom abilities. Aussie women are the most confident (31%) compared with 27% of New Zealand women. 24% of Aussie men are confident in their sexual performance, compared with only 15% of New Zealand men!

Generation X men are the least confident in the bedroom (17%), while men from the Silent Generation (36%) are the most confident. Silent Generation women are the most confident in the bedroom (50%), followed by the younger Gen Z women (40%).

Further information

Adulttoymegastore commissioned UMR to carry out this 2020 sex survey. UMR offers clients an extensive quantitative research suite covering telephone, online, and face-to-face collection. This survey covered 2500 respondents handpicked by UMR to cover age, gender and region in Australia and New Zealand.

Of the survey respondents: