There's nothing quite as heartbreaking as being in a relationship where rejection is common and intimacy has been lost.
You love your partner, but your libidos are mismatched or something just isn't clicking.
It's tough. But the good news is, you can turn it around!
Here are four ways you can bring those good times back.
I know: AWKWARD! But communication is crucial without it - there's no hope. Remind your partner you miss them, talk about what demands are on you so if there's a rejection you know the why. Talk about what you need to feel sexy. As in: "I don't feel sexy when I've just come home from a run - I'm sweaty and I just want to shower".
Talk about what doesn't feel good anymore. Like, "Sorry, I just don't like my feet being touched anymore - they're sore after standing at work all day". Everything in your life changes so you need to talk about it!
Honestly, people aren't having as much sex as you think they are. Think about how often you'd like to have sex, ask how often they want to have sex - meet in the middle. And forget about what everyone else is doing. There's no "normal" amount of sex you should be having. You're fine.
How about taking control or getting your partner to take control? When you're the person in the house who does everything it can be nice to just relinquish control to your partner. If you're the partner who does less emotional labour, less planning for the family, why don't you try taking charge in the bedroom? Sometimes letting go is exactly what someone needs to feel sexy again.
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How about you role play? Why not try something you have always wanted to do but haven't felt confident enough to do. You're not getting any younger and things can't get worse right? But make sure you have that conversation when you're sober and feeling comfortable - consent is important.
If you're struggling with dryness after having children, changing medication or going through or beginning menopause, the fix is easy. Lube. The right lube can solve this issue - there are so many different lubricants on the market now that are perfect for couples.
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Try some toys - Different libidos can cause havoc on a previously happy sex life - so a toy like the Satisfyer Pro used for clitoral stimulation can help get you in the mood and if your partner doesn't want to join in that's OK! You can just finish on your own!
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Foreplay with toys is a great way to take the pressure off both partners and obviously you can use them on their own if your partner doesn't feel like sex. There is also heaps and heaps of couple toys on the market. You could try something together.
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What's normal now won't be normal forever. We go through ups and downs and just because you're not having sex now, it doesn't mean you won't have sex ever again. Just because you're not feeling attractive and sexy now - it doesn't mean that's your life now.
Don't forget there are lots of ways to be intimate. Celebrate the closeness you have.